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Love Dare # 40 Love Is A Covenant
Well here I sit typing in this last of this time around. Wow I am so amazed at what God has done with me in forty days. To think it seems so long yet it is the same amount of time that Jesus went out and fasted and prayed for in the new testament. Rest assured Satan is waiting for me to step out so that he can offer me all his wonderful gifts if I will turn my back on God. I will be keeping God out in front, he does so much better at fighting off those temptations. I will be starting all over next week, there are so many things that I need to better understand. There are so many dares that although complete I still struggle with all the time.
I wrote up a set of vows. The material in the book really hit home on something that I learned a while ago. In the bible God doesn’t use the words I do. God tells us what he will do. I have incorporated that in a draft of my vows that I fully intend to tell my wife when we remarry.
For all those whom have kept a eye on this blog there is another story that needs to be told because it involves Vows. So buckle up another adventure in the life of Tonie and Glen is spun.
Nineteen years ago I married the love of my life. That was the first failure so to speak. Now before everyone gets all excited and sees that as a negative it is not. It was a matter of Gods doing and not ours. The love of my life and I ended up having a shotgun wedding. No there was no baby on board or anything like that. But if you think back nineteen years ago there was something going on that could effect a family, or wedding plans.
Both my dad and I were enlisted in the service of our country back then. The love of my life and myself had completely planned our wedding. We had sent out the invitations, secured the place of marriage planned the wedding dance every thing was in plan and was in the works. We were to be married on the 20th of October 1990. This is were things out of our control come in. My dad whom is a pastor was to conduct our marriage received a phone call the week before September 30th telling him that he was going to be activated to serve in desert Shield, and storm. He had until the following Monday to secure his personal affairs and report for duty. Well that changed everything. The fact That I was called and put on alert to be deployed did not help things either. Well some things needed to be changed if the pastor was going to be there and if my dad was going to be there. So we did the only thing we figured was the right thing to do. We redid our wedding in four days. We drew up the plan and got to work. instead of the chapel we had a house. instead of lots of pictures we have a few. instead of lots of family we have a total of maybe 12. Instead of a long weekend we were married on a Sunday and I had to be back in the field for harvest Monday morning. It was so funny we had to buy plain layer cake for our wedding and get plastic groom and bride for on the top of it. I remember when we brought the groom and bride for the top of our wedding cake the bride was this white plastic and my bride was adamant that would not work because she is a beautiful tan. My dad came up with the fix a little tan shoe polish rubbed just right on the face and a little black marker on the hair and bang you got the idea. Well at any rate we made it work and we were married.
The love of my life has always wanted another wedding when things were not so crazy around us. We talked and started to plan to get married on our tenth. We decided that we would rather have our own place to live so instead of remarrying the love of my life we traded in rent payments for a house payment and ownership of our own place.
Now keep in mind I am a guy and I often think way more like a guy then a guy should. Next year is our 20th anniversary and talk has already surfaced. Funny how thought has surfaced regarding some land for summer weekends, hunting land. I am willing to compromise at this point in the negotiations. Not that I really ever have plans of shutting her out I love her to much. I use it as a form of joking. I could defiantly go for buying some nice hunting land and breaking it in with a marriage ceremony of our vows and then just her and I staying out there for our honeymoon. Well all that would fall under my dreams not hers. I am trying to assist her with hers right now. Besides if in we fulfill her greatest dream now I will not be looking for land but for cribs and baby stuff and she will not be looking for a wedding dress for next year, but for maternity clothes.
Well it I can say has been strange sharing with all who venture here the trials and gifts that have happened over the past 40 days. I have often gleamed through many of the blogs looking for words of encouragement as well as scripture in which to help me along. For this I thank all you who have taken the dare. To all those who have provided advise and personal prayer thank you. I have felt the hand of God many times through out these dares and I know it is because others have prayed me there. I thank God for you interceding on Tonie and my behalf.
Well as for my plans. I have already told you that I plan to restart the love dare on Monday the 23rd of November 2009. I will be putting together a new Blog Not sure what it will be called as of yet. I will be praying about that. Tonie and I will be still doing our love languages. Rather then that we will be concentrating on making sure that God is out in from and trying to follow him wherever he takes us.
This is it right here folks. I leave this with No reason to win the day, Just more reasons to pray, listen, play and walk humbly with my God.
Here is my vows I wrote to the Love of my Life. My Loves real name is in it and I will never take it out. couldn’t do it I changed the name.
Please be respectful If you should know her I need to know that what was said here will never be heard about from people either on the inside or outside of these blogs.
here it is.
The Grooms vows
Written By Mr. Glen Baranski
To be swore by Glen to Tonie Baranski
Mr. Glen A. Baranski
To
Mrs. Tonie A. Baranski
I Glen Baranski take you Tonie Baranski to be my wife. Not only in the eyes of the law but more so in the eyes of the almighty God whom should direct our paths.
From this day forward I enter into a covenant with the sincere desire to hold to it as God has held to all his to mankind. I Glen A. Baranski herby decree as my covenant between God and Tonie and Glen that from this Day forward until that God takes me from his earth I will love, protect, honor, cherish, respect, encourage, as well as never stop praying for Tonie Baranski.
As God has made me human I may from time to time struggle to keep my covenant, but I am confident that with the love of our God I will always prevail. I know this because loving you Tonie is not hard for me. Loving you is what my heart sincerely wants to do. As I learn to lead my heart instead of follow it I will continue to ask God to show me new ways of keeping the fire blazing in our romance thru new opportunities to show my love in tangibles unexpected ways.
May it be known worldwide that from the time this covenant is sealed with a prayer of commitment and a kiss between Glen and Tonie Baranski that Glen will fight to keep his commitment with all that I have and any resources that God provides as a tool or tools to protect it with.
That all Folks I will be praying for all those to dare to take the dare. Hope you all find me under a new blog.
Keep praying for Tonie and Glen
Will Come Back to 14, Day 15 Finished, Day…
Day 15: Love is honorable
Live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
—1 Peter 3:7
TODAY’S DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
-I shed everything I had emotionally in a picture message I had sent her. I really am at the point where I know how bad I want to be with her. What really just ruins it is that I didn’t realize it before any of this happened. I know I messed up but I really feel as if I can make it up to her. It’s just hard doing so while being away from her- it’d be much easier to do the dares and work with each other in person, obviously. But about the dare- I sent her a picture of us playing around in the Apple store, and we looked like a bunch of monkeys.. Looking at her pictures really just makes me realize that she’s the one. She is the one.
Day 16: Love intercedes
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.
—3 John 2
TODAY’S DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse’s heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse’s life and in your marriage.
-The three specific things I prayed for were health- to make sure that she’ll always be around for our son and I with no problems. I also prayed for success- in not only both of our careers, but our relationship. I believe that when together, we’re unstoppable. I know I’ve been very unappreciative, but I plan to make it all up to her. Last but not least- I prayed for happiness.. Happiness to carry along our family. Happiness to create memories. Happiness to let our son have a wonderful life. He’s such a happy boy already, I don’t ever want to take that away from him. Happiness isn’t something you want to be looking for all your life. I think if both of his parents are together, he’ll be happy. He’ll see how good we are together and he’ll feel comfortable, forever. I’ve gone through a divorce with my parents, and it’s really not something I wanted to do. If you’re wondering if I’m scared, I’m not. I’m not scared of a divorce with my loved one. If I’m lucky enough to get the chance to marry her- I will be most loyal for the rest of my life. I will truly be the happiest man alive.
Day 17: Love promotes intimacy
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.
—Proverbs 17:9 NIV
TODAY’S DARE
Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.
-This is today’s dare.. I don’t know if bringing her struggles up right now is the best thing. I know exactly what her personal thoughts and struggles are with me- I messed up bad. I’m trying to think of a way to talk to her about it and comfort her, but it’s hard. I can’t be trusted, so anything I say to ‘make her feel safe’ really just goes out the window. I’m going to see what I can do though, I have to be optimistic about it. I love you J.
Dare 17: Love Promotes Intimacy
This has been one of the most difficult dares, by far. First, I needed to get in the right frame of mind to realize that I was failing miserably at keeping Stacey’s secrets.
Ever since this ordeal started, back in June, I have been talking to others. In an effort to find answers and in an attempt to get guidance. I have confided in our friends and family. Not realizing that Stacey was NOT comfortable with friends and family sorting through our “dirty laundry”.
I have learned to lay all of my concerns, worries, and need for answers at God’s feet. He will give me the answers that HE feels that I need, and wash away all of the other worries.
Stacey deserves a husband that loves her unconditionally, guards her secrets fervently, and places her concerns before my own. I thank GOD for allowing me to be the man that she needs me to be.
DAY 1
Unfortunately, this is not my first attempt with Love Dare, because the first attempts I was thinking that all I needed to change was my sarcasm and hateful ways but nothing more. Now I know that it goes much deeper then that and there are lots of areas I have to work on. I’ve looked so hard at the splinters in everyone eyes that I hadn’t seen the board in my own. I’ve become bitter and critical. I keep hearing God say that if I put him first then everything else will fall into place as it should and there is no need to worry because whatever is going to happen is going to happen and I can’t change it. I never had control to begin with so stop trying to control things now.
RMC
Dare: Day 19
Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask Him to show you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
No, nothing seemed impossible when looking back. Daunting, yes, but not impossible. God has already changed my heart. Through the past several years he has done this over and over again, with grace and forgiveness (because apparently, i am a little dense about fully letting go… and i have a hunch that i am not alone in this).
God is so good. The past few weeks, i have been blessed with such an amazing core joy. Not the kind of joy that stems from circumstances (good or bad), but the kind of joy that is assurance of God’s unconditional love. It is energizing and empowering even in the thick of a bad moment. I haven’t thought this clearly and had such an overflowing of creativity in a long time.
This level of joy does however have a caution flag. My prayer is that in my enthusiasm, i do not trip over myself. I pray for wisdom and for a thoughtful cadence in how i might repurpose God’s gift of love for me to abundantly love my husband and others in my life.
Love Dare # 39: Love endures
November 18, 2009
Dear Tonie Antonia Baranski
Tonie this letter is one that I hope that you will keep and cherish for long after I am no longer on this earth. I hope that by the end of this letter that you know how I really feel about you and how I intend to spend the rest of my days on this earth.
The proof of my undying love for you will only be proved through the years that I spend endlessly showing it through acts of love. As God has loved us through action I too must show mine the same way. I have been trying to do that throughout my love dares. I do realize that I must lean on God the rest of my life in order to accomplish earthly love the way God desires for us to demonstrate it.
Thru the study of how God loves us, I have learned that I never even came close to loving you in a Godly way for the last 19 years. God has shown me that Love is patient, and never ending. God has also demonstrated that love is able to endure all things.
It is my heart’s desire to demonstrate to you for the rest of my life that I truly love you. The manner in which I do this will be through my never ending commitment to show Gods love to you through me.
There are so many things about you that I love. And a few of these things have become bullets in this letter.
· Your unvarnished beauty. You are the most beautiful lady that I have ever laid my eyes on.
· Your positive attitude. You have shown that through the years you will look at every event with the desire to find a positive. Even if it is only a lesson.
· Your competitiveness. You never quite so long as you have energy you continue. When you run out of energy you just take a break and refocus. This has saved our relationship so many times.
· Your smile. You desire to enjoy life to its fullest and it shows in your smile. Even when the chips are down you truly want to smile for
no other reason than that is the way you are and you feel best when wearing a smile.
· Your unending forgiveness. You forgive people even when you know that they are not really sorry.
· Your athletic abilities. You have born talent which you continue to develop by refusing to accept age as a excuse for failure.
· Your social abilities. You are not afraid to meet new people from different walks of life. You do not judge people by what their history has made them.
· All of things in this list are but a few of the things that I love about you. The reasons do not belong in bullets.
·
Tonie I love you because you know how to bring out the man in me. You have the ability to bring out courage in me that I never thought that I could have let alone demonstrate. I love you because you can be so mad at me and still really care how I feel. I love you because you brighten my day and make it worth living just by being there. I love the way you look at me and the way you put your hand out for me to take. I love the way you make me feel when you lean your head against me in the car, or rest your head against me in bed.
All the reasons I have just listed are but a fraction of the reasons that I am recommitting my life to living a life that demonstrates how much I love you. I am committing to making sure that you and I can deal with the life issues that come up. I am going to try each and every day to confront any and all potential barriers that should arise or hint to arise. I also commit to keeping God as a focal point in my life and in that also try as hard as I can to be the spiritual leader that God and you expect.
I could go on with another list of bullets explaining all the things that I could say that I would do or not do, but that would just set me up more for failure then success.
As I end this letter to you I want you to know that before I could fully commit to our marriage I had to give it to God first. This I have done and I will pray each day that God directs me and us in how to make our marriage a relationship that he is proud of. Tonie thank you for all you have given me over the years and just please know that until I draw my last breath you will always be the one that I long to be with.
With Love,
Glen
For all those who have dared to take the Dare my prayers are with you. Please pray for ATonie and Glen as we careon the will of God.
Bruno
Love Dare # 38: Love Fulfills Dreams
Well I know what the love of my life dreams are to some point. So when I went to her and asked her which one she wanted to tackle first I was not surprised by her answer. Both of her dreams start with a letter B. Neither of her dreams work very well together. Wanting to truly assist in the fulfillment of her dreams in this case required her to make a decision. For the last year and a half the love of my life has been telling me that she wants to have a bike. Not a mountain bike either. We have looked and have inquired into the motorcycle courses and what size of bike she would best be able to handle. As recently as this past summer she told me that she did not care what I thought she was getting a bike next summer. This dream I though would have taken first place since she has been so adamant about it. Who would have thought that the love of my life would have changed her priorities and decided on the more expensive but also more rewarding dream. This dream will cost for ever.
The dream my love most wants me to help her with is a baby. So we are talking and we are asking questions. there are a lot of things that have to be looked at. There have been things on my side that need to be undone, or should I say redone up? Not sure how that goes. There are issues regarding the love of my life and residual issues from the baby we lost. Non of the least is that any surgery I would need will not be covered by our insurance. So in the end either it will be a bike for the love of my life or a surgery for me. I will have the surgery if in fact she wants to go through with it. I am not apposed to another child. I do wish I could choose the gender.
Well that is where that Love dare stands. A ton of prayer and 1 operation and the touch of God. The other stands on a kickstand in some show room somewhere still waiting for the love of my life to sit up on it and give the flick of the wrist to throttle it to life.
No reason to win the day, Just more reasons to pray listen, ponder, and possible wince, and buy lots of ice.
For all those out there who have taken the dare I am still praying for you. Please continue to pray for Tonie and Glen as we pray about these dreams.
Two more dares and I get to start all over. Wow how my world has changed.
Bruno
Still on Day 14
Day 14: Love takes delight
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life.
—Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.
-I just never got the chance to do something to where we’d be spending time together. I really had something planned too. I want to get her on Skype and sort of have a ‘Skype’ date… And I was going to order her pizza and have it arrive at the same exact time mine arrives at my house.. That way- we could both ‘go out to eat (pizza :P) and be on a date’… I don’t know.. Thought it was cute. I’m going to try again today to spend time with her or something.. I’m gonna work in the ‘Skype Date’ when it’s the right timing though. If I can’t spend time with her today, I’ll try Day 15’s dare and just come back to Day 14.
Tomorrow’s Dare-
Day 15: Love is honorable
Live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
—1 Peter 3:7
TODAY’S DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
-Okay. If I can’t do Day 14 I’ll definitely try this. I can’t do any physical things for her due to distance, but I will try to emotionally be there, just to show her how much she really means to me.
Love Dare # 37: Love agrees in prayer
This Love dare took me a few days to accomplish. Not because prayer is a issue I love to pray with the love of my life. The issue that I was working over was finding the right time matched with the right words to bring the subject of setting time aside each and every day. Our schedule ends up getting so busy that many times we are not sure if we are coming or going.
Between meetings and scheduled events we often are going separate directions or when we are together we get home so late that both of us are completely wiped out. Sunday night while I was waiting up for a friends high school daughter to come over for some help in a college >
Tonie and I also talked about somethings things regarding feelings and how we have made each other feel. We in the end were so much closer to each other for sharing. I like to think that those little meeting of the heart are a good way to shovel out any new gravel that is starting to build up between us. After all the work that we have done to repair our relationship there is no reason to start developing a gravel base in which to build a new barrier between us. I believe there are a few rocks between us but with our renewed desire to respect each other and earn each others trust we can break them up and slowly but continuously remove them until the ground between us is clear of all boulders, rocks, and stones.
Well that is all I have for today once again no reason to win the day, just more reasons to pray together, listen to each other, play together, Love together.
For all those who dare to take the dare I am praying for you. Please keep Tonie and Glen in your prayers. Hopefully by the end of this week Lord willing I will be starting all over. Looking forward to day one again.
Bruno
Day 13 Finished, On Day 14.
Day 13: Love fights fair
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
—Mark 3:25
TODAY’S DARE
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to “fight” by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
-I tried doing this but it didn’t end up positive at all. I told her it’d be great to just have some rules to go by just in case we fought but she made it more difficult than it should have been… This is getting harder.
Day 14: Love takes delight
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life.
—Ecclesiastes 9:9 HCSB
TODAY’S DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they’d really like to work on. Just be together.
-Just be together. I like that… Today’s dare sounds fun. I think I know what to do.
Tomorrow’s Dare-
Day 15: Love is honorable
Live with your wives in an understanding way . . . and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
—1 Peter 3:7
TODAY’S DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
Weekend Update
Really this is more of a Sunday update, since once again I was working Saturday (during the day shift this time).
Sunday morning I took all of the kids to church with me, Stacey was still sleeping, as she has not felt the need for attending our worship service. I on the other hand felt a true desire to be there, after missing last Sunday.When we arrived at home Stacey was awake, and on the computer, playing facebook games…
Dad made his “world famous” sausage gravy n’ biscuits. Then Stacey took it upon herself to start cleaning up around the house. She even sweet talked the boys into helping. I stood back for a few minutes, and watched a little bit of the old Stacey starting to emerge.
We talked about having a home cooked meal for dinner, but instead settled on ordering pizza. It really was starting to feel a lot like the way things used to be.
Stacey has been turning in at about 10pm every night when the boys go to bed. Tonight was different, the boys went to bed as usual, but Stacey came and sat down on the other end of the couch. We shared a can of cashews, as we watched the Colts football game. She seemed to be making an effort to spend time with me, just me. I explained parts of the game to her, since she was very inquisitive. We even talked trough the halftime. It was soo nice to just connect again, with no stress.
Thank you Jesus, for those special moments this weekend.
I’ll place these in my heart and carry them with me.
Dare: Day 18
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you’ve rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
Being that the post-illness work is piling up and the annual musical set design/build frenzy that i am involved in has commenced, it was a bit hectic fitting this in and doing it 100%. But I did! I was able to “ship off” one child, but a place for our youngest did not work out. So i integrated him into the plan.
Two days ago, i sent a “formal” e-invitation to my husband for a romantic dinner for two which prompted an electronic RSVP. I was able to prepare a gourmet meal using (with a few minor exceptions) only what we had on hand and in the freezer, as there really isn’t any budget for extras right now.
The dinning room table was set with candles and everything was prepared for our 10 yr. old (after a bit of coaching) to seat us at “our restaurant” and serve us with manners of only the finest inn’s wait staff, then scurried off to his room. He occasionally checked in with us and filled our water goblets. Then he became the “entertainment” (played the piano) while “the chef” prepared a fancy dessert. adorable. My husband really seemed to appreciate the effort and seemed to think it was all pretty fun, but i have to say, conversation for the most part was awkward. Everything i thought to say, i didn’t because i was fearful of a negative spin on the reply and i just didn’t feel like i was strong enough to not be hurt by it and have it ruin the evening. So, it was a pretty quiet dinner. But the important thing, was that my husband seemed to feel appreciated and celebrated as far as i could tell. I overheard him telling some folks about it at church this morning and tried to not be effected by the heavy focus that was put on my son’s roll and not our time together. But truth be told, he really did steal the show! (unknowingly).
My insecurities
So I have realized all of the insecurities I have during all of this. This love dare is just loving myself unconditionally and if you do the same then were good. And being human of course.
Love Dare # 36 Love is God’s Word
This dare is truly right on. The house founded on the sand on earthly wisdom is left to the deception of the soft looking clouds on the horizon. Since before I started The love dare I have been praying and searching the scripture for Gods answers to the love of my life and my issues. Gods word has held the answers every time.
The love of my life and I have been doing a couples devotional together for a few weeks now. We are also working our way through another book at the same time. The book we are reading together goes hand in hand with the Love dare. The name of the book is The Love Languages. We read through a chapter of the love languages then top if off with our devotional. the devotional has scripture for us to look up. Some times there is a little nugget that we can talk about and that sometimes leads to more searching through the scripture. I look forward to that time of the evening each day when Tonie and I get to spend time together studying what our maker has for us. Sometimes it is really hard because God smacks me right in the face so to speak. I have had many a evening of conviction regarding some part of my life, or a issue within my relationship with God as well as the love of my life.
The hard part of this dare is to ensure that we keep God out in front and not along side or behind us. The first struggle is to make sure that we e get that time every day. I and Tonie need to work on when we think that we are going to have plans for the evening that will put us away from our home that we make sure that we have our devotional in the morning instead.
Once again there is no winning the day, just more reasons to pray, listen and commit to making sure we give ourselves time for God to teach us.
For all those taking the Dare I am still praying for you. Please keep Tonie and Glen in your prayers.
Bruno
Dare: Day 17
Determine to guard your mate’s secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.
Very early on in our relationship, we pretty much discussed and confessed all of our “secrets” to each other. There was a very strong foundation laid of trust, respect, protection and support regarding these things. We both became born again believers a few years after we were married and that probably “sealed the deal”, as we both fully understood what repentance and forgiveness was all about. And i don’t think either of us have ever felt threatened by the other sharing things long put aside.
I tried to bring it up just for the sake of assurance and being type-A, wanted to follow the dare specifically. Silly me. Bad idea. It was instantly met with questions about why on earth i would be bringing this up. Fair enough. So I quickly said that had just had a dream (which is actually true) about something in my past coming back to haunt me and was just reflecting on how blessed we are to have such a loving, forgiving God and the safety of knowing we would always cover for each other regarding things in our past [thanks for putting that in my heart Lord!]. Nothing more was discussed.
However, I did reflect on current issues. I started to really think and pray about his emotional abuse and yes, to some degree, i do keep that secret from our family and friend circles… but i know that this is a different kind of secret. It is one that is harmful and needs to be dealt with, not hidden away. So the rest of my time spent in this dare was talking to God about me having discernment with who to tell and when to tell and how to tell and most importantly, to have the courage to speak the Truth in Love with my husband only when the Lord guides me to do so. I am choosing to take careful, Jesus-friendly baby steps and not live in fear.
I don’t just have hope. I have assurance.
Bitter-sweet…
Today I took the divorce papers that I have been filling out to my husband. I know in the bible it says to be patient but if there is no progress what is one to do. If you know it is over in your heart what can you do. The saying, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the thing I can and the wisdom to know the difference,” keeps popping into my head. I can’t change my husband’s heart and if God wanted his heart to change he would have done so. God has bigger plans for me and I just have to chock this up to one of life’s experiences. A hard lesson to learn but to find the grace of God in this mistake is priceless. I still encourage all of you to try but God will let you know in your heart if it is not meant to be. I will still pray for my husband and I still love him with all my heart, but I need to start my life over. Sorry to all of you looking forward to a happy ending but life is not a fairy tale and the girl doesn’t always get the guy. Sometimes she gets herself in the end, which is worth so much more. Please pray for me in this upcoming trial and God bless you all. I will pray that your stories end differently!
Love Dare # 35: Love is accountable
Love is accountable. This dare is one that I have embraced a long time ago when it comes to the council. At least a long time ago in respect to the Love Dare. From the time I started this journey I knew that there were things that I would need some outside help with. I had encouraged the love of my life to go with me. I understand that this is something that Tonie is not comfortable with. I to be honest was scared the first time I went. I can say the fear was on the same level as the day I was arrested. Even though I knew that I was going to walk out of there and step back into the world of my love I was scared that when I left I would be faced that as a husband and a father I would have the burden of being told I was a failure. I had this sinking feeling that the marriage counselor would tell me that I should just be glad that the love of my life had not kicked me to the curb. The first meeting was difficult and after I walked out I had a new outlook on where things were going and where they had come from. the council I receive is good for me it is based on Gods word. I walk out looking at things in our relationship from a different angle.
I have been seeking for another married couple that Tonie and I can become friends with that are well grounded in the scripture. The friends I am looking for need to bring a outside Tonie and Glens box preceptive. In that it rules out couples in my family as well as hers. I have my eye on one such couple and have been trying to nurture a relationship there. I think that over time Tonie and I will be able to be comfortable talking to them as friends and share with them on a deeper relational level.
Tonie and I read through another chapter of the love languages last night as well as we read our couples devotional. Tonie and I had a talk last night about the past weekend. Tonie told me that Sunday evening and Monday it felt like the old Glen was back. I dug into this because I wanted to know where she was coming from. Tonie told me she felt like I gave up and that she thought that I had quit. I had talked with R about this because I recognized it on Sunday as well as Monday. I knew why I had seemed so distance regarding feelings. Early Sunday morning when Tonie’s brother and I were talking and I apologized for my actions from years past I seen a look of disappointment in the love of my life’s eyes. That crushed me not because I was trying to please her, but something that God had brought to my attention as something I needed to take care of could disappoint her so much. Sunday when I woke up I felt as though by following Gods word and trying to insure that I was doing what God wanted I had drove a wedge between Tonie and myself. At any rate I know that I quit pulling on Sunday and all day Monday I just read my dares and made sure I was doing what God wanted. I suppose that in full discloser I was trying to do what God wanted but no more. I just did not want to pull. I let myself get caught up in my own hurt.
Last night as Tonie and I talked I could not help but think about that hurt and I prayed that God would take it away. I love Tonie so much, I know that God is willing and I just need to give it all to him. When I do those few times that Satan allows the thoughts to come to me will be fewer and fewer. If I could post a picture of the love of my life there would be few men out there that would be able to say that she is hard on the eyes. Oh I know I am gloating in the fact that according to me I married to the hottest lady God put on this earth, SO WHAT. So where did that come statement come from? The statement comes from a guy who sometimes looks at his wife in a off moment and sees her in her total beauty and realizes that even something that I find so beautiful and strong can also be very fragile and that it doesn’t take abuse or threats to drive away love. Al it takes is a pile of issues between each other that never gets dealt with.
During Tonie and my talk last night we talked about my pulling and how that when I stopped on Sunday there was definitely a change. Tonie indicated it me in not such straight talk that as soon as you take your eye off being where you are comfortable you become miserable to be around. I agree with her 100% . I did not tell Tonie this. One of the things I wanted to know was if I quit pulling so to speak will she encourage me to lean in again or will she just except it. I know that Tonie recognized that I quit thrusting forward and was more willing to let let the wagon thump along with each stride instead of digging in with power to keep it smooth. I guess I was not so much looking for Tonie to lean in and take up the slack I had left as much as I was looking for the encouragement to lean in again. Was it selfish? I would have to say sure it was.I was looking for the you can do this you can pull us up this hill. I was expecting the whip though. I received neither on Sunday or Monday. What I did get was, what is wrong? What did I do this time? Last night Tonie and I encouraged each other regarding our relationship and that was a great feeling to have. To know that she wants this as bad as I do even if her issues are a different kind of load to carry. I am sure that there will be times when she will feel like the load is overbearing on her. I am praying regarding the love dare on Love encourages that God will continue to help me be a positive encouragement. I am also praying that the lord will show me how to be graceful in the best way encourage Tonie with out using a whip so to speak. I know that these areas will need allot of prayer because both Tonie and I are very competitive and for most of our marriage both have treated encouragement as a sign of weakness or failure.
Well that is all I have for today and as the rest have ended no reason to win the day, just more reasons to pray, listen, encourage, pull with enthusiasm, and play.
To all those who have taken the Dare, I am praying for you. Please keep Tonie and Glen in your prayers as we try to hold each other up in these tough times.
Bruno
Getting back on the horse…
After falling away from The Love Dare for a time, I am working at picking it back up where I left off. I’m happy to say that things with my beloved wife are much better than they have EVER been before! We attended ‘A Weekend to Remember’ event that was put on by Family Life, which was founded by Dennis and Barbara Rainey. We didn’t expect much from the conference, but it ended up having an absolutely PROFOUND impact on our lives. My wife finally ‘GETS’ what I’m trying to do with serving the Lord and we are finally praying together and spending a quiet time visiting and doing a short devotional each morning before I leave for work.
I’ve been wanting to do something like this for a LONG time, but was afraid to push it. Now I can see that my wife enjoys it too as she’s all curled up in the middle of the couch at the appointed time, just sitting there waiting for me. It’s absolutely great to know that she loves this too and that she wants to please the Lord now as much as I do. I’m praying that the Lord will give me the stick-to-it-iveness to keep doing this every single day. I actually LOOK FORWARD to this 15 to 20 minutes of quiet time with my wife… we end with some smooching and prayer.
My beloved still cannot bring herself to pray outloud yet… I’m not sure why and sometimes it causes me to wonder if she’s really working to put her trust in the Lord, but I’ve received several emails from her stating that she realizes that she’s not praying for me specifically outloud when we’re together but that she wants me to know that she is praying for me. I tend to pray a LOT for her when we’re together, thanking the Lord for the gift He’s given me and for Him to help her through her day. It’s simply INCREDIBLE!
Two weeks ago I was depressed about the fact that I couldn’t find a way to break-through to my wife and talk to her about the Lord and I would have said you were absolutely crazy if you told me what we’d be doing today. Praise God for the miracles that he performs in our lives! Don’t ever give up my friends! Pray unceasingly, devote EVERYTHING that you are to the Lord and He will guide your way. I’m waking up in the morning simply praising Him for another day to spend with HIm and with my wife. We’re talking, sharing concerns about our family. It’s absolutely AWESOME and I’m just so humbled by what He’s done.
I’ve learned a lot over the last few months… I don’t try to FIX my wife’s problems any more… I listen and offer comfort and only offer advice if she actually ASKS what she should do. That simple fact right there was such an amazing epiphany to me and it’s paid dividends from the moment I began applying it to today.
Your mate is a GIFT FROM GOD! Treat him/her that way and amazing things will happen!
I’m going to pick up my Love Dare book again and continue… I think I’m on day 20. Hopefully I’ll report more back later.
God’s blessings to each and every single one of you who are struggling! I would be happy to include you specifically in my prayers if you wish… all you’ve got to do is reply here and it will be done. Prayer works people! Do it unceasingly and do EVERYTHING for the Lord, not for men.
In Christ,
MyAll4Him
Love Dare #34 Love Celebrates Godliness
This dare had me some what stumped in that I was looking at it from a selfish perspective. After I read this I started thinking about how bad I wanted the love of my life to to desire the relationship with God that I was trying to have. God deals with all his children in his own way. The love of my life is seeking Gods will in her life, she is just experiencing different answers then I expected that God would give her. Yesterday afternoon while we were eating some light supper I asked Tonie if we should read our devotional while we had the time together. She said that would be fine. I then asked about rather or not we were planning to keep up with our reading of the Love Languages we started. Tonie not only said yes she offered to read the next chapter to me. After she read it I told her about my dare and told her that I was very pleased that she has taken interest in reading about things that deal with God in our lives. I told told Tonie that it was not just because it was my dare. If you have been reading my blog you remember how excited I got when Tonie came back to bed to read the couples devotional to me. I really love when the love of my life not only seeks out what God wants to do with her but when she demonstrates that she wants a better understanding of how God tells us to treat each other.
I went to my counselling meeting last night and it was really good. R and I covered some really heavy things, R got in a little drawing and the explanations were really good to hear. These are things that I have already known and have been working on. The reinforcement that I am doing it correctly and the encouragement not to stop was really good. R gave me some insight regarding my desires for both my Love and me and the pulling the wagon together. It took me a little thinking but I feel that I understand what I need to do. I will be working on that challenge as well as my dares.
I find that I am now anxious to finish the Love dares. Not because I will be done. I intend to start over. I will be printing off all of my journals and putting them in a book. I then plan to start the journey all over. I wonder what I will think when I read the first 40 day journal when I have completed all 40 the second time around. I hope that I will not recognize that man. I pray that God will continue to work in me so neither the love of my life or I want to even compare the then and now.
Well that is about it for me for today. Once again no winning the day, just more reasons to listen, pray, celebrate, and play. For all those whom have taken the dare I will be praying for you. Please continue to pray for Tonie and Glen.
bruno
Todays Verse 08/25/09
August 25, 2009
VERSE:
Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your
neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will win
favor and a good name in the sight of God and man.
– Proverbs 3:3-4
THOUGHT:
Character is measured by the love and faithfulness we genuinely
display in our daily lives. These are not simple virtues that we
can fake. Merciful love is displayed when we have power over
another but choose to treat them with kindness and genuine concern.
Faithfulness is being a person of truth — genuine and trustworthy
in word and deed. These virtues need to be a part of our everyday
lives and permeate our very identity. When they do, others will
notice and God will be pleased.
PRAYER:
Holy God — faithful and compassionate, full of mercy and
steadfast love — I praise you for your example of strength and
mercy, holiness and compassion, love and faithfulness. Carve these
character traits on my heart as I submit myself to your will and
open my life to your Spirit’s transformational power. In Jesus’
name I pray. Amen.
Recent Comments on the Journals
by: amyramey
I am so happy for you! I will continue to keep you and your wife in my prayers!
by: edbiggs62
A friend of mine has four year old twins after having had a vasectomy about ten years ago. No surgery required, just a procedure involving extraction and a long needle (ouch!). Talk to your doctor.
I am praying for you both, this is a major decision that definately need to have Gods blessing.
You have been an inspiration to myself and others on here.
May God bless both of you.
Ed B.
by: robinsdare
Thank you Bob! I was unfortunately involved in an automobile accident after my last post. I was rear-ended while I was at a complete stop. I am getting back on my feet and will keep posting. I appreciate your encouragement! We have contacted the church and will begin counseling next Wednesday. He has agreed to go. So I will continue journaling and letting you know how things are. I just finished writing my list of negative / positive. Tomorrow another day! I really want to complete the 40 days…its hard!
Robin’s Hope
by: daisyseed
awwe… and HURRAY!
the return of some things remembered is cause for a heart celebration! Ed, your consistency and faith in the Lord’s timing is starting to fold back as a blessing and i am celebrating with you!
by: bob714
Rob,
I am encouraged that you were able to spend some time together, even stroke her arm and cuddle a bit. But I know how hard it is that it ends there and you have to leave your home and leave your wife and leave your kids to go sleep somewhere that is not your home. I so believe that God will answer your prayers. Keep up the loving – you set a high standard for the rest of us to follow!
Heavenly Father , I join Rob in payer for his marriage. We know you have all power and are in control of all things. We ask you, God, for a miracle, that J would once again turn her heart toward Rob, to offer forgiveness, and begin to love and respect him again. We thank you in advance for this, Amen
by: bob714
Robin,
I really don’t have advice for you but you weigh heavy on my heart. I pray that God will be with you. I hope you have someone that you can talk to and get help from. Your situation is very serious. I don’t trust your husband either. He is acting so much like I did for many years. He has an answer for everything, and turns it back on you.
You are doing right to seek God. Turn this over to Him. Pray. Continue to go through the Love Dare and work on the things you can. I believe as you seek God, He will reveal truth to you. Regardless of what that truth is, make God the center of your life.
Please continue to journal every once in a while, even if you are not doing dares. Give us an update. We care about you and we want to pray for you.
Your brother in Christ,
Bob
by: bob714
Myall4Him
Praise the Lord for the breakthroughs at the conference! Praise the Lord for the profound changes in your relationship; devotions, praying, time together, communicating in love! But as you recognize, it is critical that you stick to this. It is difficult for me to acknowledge, but there were times of opportunity in my past that I fell away from and now it may be too late.
This is so encouraging to me; I am looking for the same type of breakthroughs with my wife. I cannot make that happen, of course, so I am praying and trusting God to work in His timing. Right now I am seeing more and more that I need to work on in myself.
I appreciate your prayers and I will continue to pray for you
Your brother in Christ,
Bob
by: bob714
Daisy,
You are handling this very well. I agree this falls under the category of dangerous to them or you. But at the same time, you do need discernment as to who/when etc. I am praying that you will sense God’s clear direction in this area; that God will create a safe and proper situation with someone who will listen without judging you; someone who will understand the truth, and can bring some relief from this situation. I know you love your husband, you do not want him punished for this, you want him to get help to be able to process his issues so he can be more like the husband and father God intended him to be.
God loves you, Daisy,
Bob
by: bob714
Bruno,
I celebrate your progress with you! I am so encouraged when I hear of Tonie reading the books & devotional with you. It is also encouraging that you can talk about your relationship and encourage each other and you know she wants it as bad as you do.
You are doing very well at having an open mind and recognizing your shortcomings, and then working on them. That is a key in counseling. If you go wanting to hear what you need to change about yourself, you will get a lot of help.
As you have observed, when you shift your focus from working on yourself to worrying about Tonie, the progress suddenly stops. I recognize this because up until about 5 years ago all I worried about was fixing the faults I saw in my wife. Guess what? ZERO PROGRESS. Then I finally decided to work on myself. I am working on being more Christ-like; more like God wants me to be. The more I learn, the more I see how much further I have to go. My family and friends all comment they see progress. My wife says nothing has changed. But I know that simply means that I have a lot more changing to do and someday soon I believe she will see the new me.
Thanks for praying for me and my wife and I am praying for you & Tonie as well.
Bob
by: dare2loveyou
I am sorry that your marraige has ended this way. I am praying for you. I have been doing the Love Dare repeatedly for nearly 10 months, and somedays I am getting closer and somedays I am thrown out again. Nonetheless I envisage getting ‘the papers’ in February when our 12 months of separation rolls around. I take strength from your strength. God bless you. Rob.
by: edbiggs62
Thank you for the encouragement and uplifting prayers.
I agree, as does Stacey, that we have grown apart. I feel that it is taking everything I have to keep us from growing further apart. I know that only God can make this marriage work and that I am too weak to do it without him.
I am also praying daily for God to show his love for Stacey, through me. To use me, and to allow his radiant love to shine from me.
by: bruno
Well as I look back at my own experience with this dare I sure learned different ways to apply this one to my relationship. I jumped right in and I love greeting the love of my life with a sweeping off her feet kiss and hug. I however have put a little twist on it. When I get home and the love of my life is already there I do not greet her. She often will tell me where is my kiss and I always tell her the same thing I am just waiting to see that you want one. When I first stopped gong to her she was hurt but I figure it is a good way of gauging her feelings for me. Now when She asks where did her kiss go I tell her only one thing. Halfway. She already knows that means I love you but I need to see that you want it by meeting me halfway.
My sorry way of saying I will be here but sometimes you need to step up and show me that you really care. It has been a learning experience for both the love of my life and me.
thank you for all the notes of encouragement.
bruno
by: bruno
I know were you are. I have been there done that. I tried to my hardest through prayer and prompting. Nothing worked, so I decided I would just step up and confront the problem. The last night my wife worked at this job as a bar tender I went in and talked to her. She could not run she was the only one there running the place. I told her that I knew and I could give her details but I would rather take them to my grave. I told her that I could understand where she was even though I had never been there. I took responsibility for being the one that pushed her into another mans arms. Even though it was hard to admit that I could push the love of my life to that kind of personal betrayal I did it. I told the love of my life that even people that God consider great men hold records of failing in the same manner. King David faltered and his sin was compounded by murder. If someone whom God saw so much in could sin in this way whom am I to think that you are better.
I told the love of my life that I know she still loves me and has loved me since before we married. That doesn’t change the fact this thing has happened. I explained to the love of my life that I still love her and that if it was me who was in her shoes I would not be able to stand the pain of not only hearing myself let alone see the pain from the hurt in my loves eyes and heart as I told them of my mistake.
We talked allot that night and as much as the love of my life wanted to throw the hurt out on the table she referenced it as since you know how do we keep this from ever happening again. That may very well be the closest I ever get to a confession or admittance of wrongs on this subject. I still Love my wife and we are working to reestablish our trust in each other. I am working on regaining her trust on the issues that drove her away. She is working on the issues that resulted from it.
May God Bless and may you keep God the center of all you tough talks regarding these very hurtful subjects. I will be praying for you.
Brun
by: bruno
It’s Time:
I love your verse it is one of my favorites in the bible there is a song from the same passage that I love. This scripture has a very special connection to me. I when the love of my life and I were first married worked in a foundry. One of my jobs was to tend the furnaces. I would stack the aluminum ingets on the sides of the crucible so the moisture could evaporate before the were slide in the furnace. moisture will cause the furnace to explode. After the bars are all melted I had to skim off all the dross (the impurities that float to the top. This was a pretty easy job there would only be a couple of scoops per furnace. I would dump the impurities in 50 gallon drums. Each furnace did not contain enough to make a real difference in the barrel. When the barrels were full we would put them outside where they would be picked up. The thing about the verse you mentioned is that although I never had allot off any one furnace to skim when the barrel was fill and put out side it could be smelled for 2 to three city blocks. I have prayed many times for God to purify me. Although I tend to think that my sins are often small I am sure that to God they are like those barrels that make people want to puke when they came to work.
Working in a foundry I learned so much about God I just never put the two together at the time. Another example of the comparison between God and what I was doing every day for a living is for certain metals we would have to change the make up of the liquid aluminum. One way we would do this was to drop two or three potatoes in a full furnace. Just like the struggles we go through in life the are opportunities of us to be more useful for our savior.
At any rate that is my take on the verse you posted. Thank you for reminding me. May God bless you in your journey. I am almost done with the first 40 dares then I will start over. I know that Lord willing the title of my blog will change from the fight of my life, to a title that resembles where God has taken us.
Bruno
by: daisyseed
MyAll4Him,
thank you for your encouragement and insightful comment. on good days, it’s easy to say “Amen” to words such as yours. on bad, confusing days? not so much. and that is EXACTLY why we all need to keep our vertical relationship with our Heavenly Father in tip-top shape and expect our brothers and sisters in faith to keep us accountable. what an AWESOME God we serve!
by: myall4him
Daisy,
The man you’re praying for today was the man I was about six months ago. Fortunately I was ignited for the Lord again and was shown the error of my ways. My wife was away from the Lord as well and she had a much more difficult time coming back. But I’m happy to say that nothing short of a miracle has taken place and my wife and I are serving the Lord as best we can, having daily devotions and truly communicating with one another again. I attribute it all to prayer and to the loving Lord whom we all serve. Praise God!
Expect miracles, Daisy and never, never, NEVER give in. Love that man, lift him up to the Lord and give yourself to the Lord, following after him every second of every day. The Lord will throw open that window in your husband’s heart… pray, believe and trust in the Lord.
In Christ,
MyAll4Him
by: myall4him
She is a GIFT from GOD! Love her as you know Christ has loved us. That’s a HUGE command, isn’t it?! But it’s what the Lord commands us to do. Praise the Lord that you are enthusiastic and love her.
Keep it up and stay humble before the Lord and your wife.
In Christ,
MyAll4Him
by: myall4him
Be still and know that I am God… Psalm 46:10
What a wonderful life verse, Ed! It holds personal significance to me for an amazing reason, which I won’t get into here. I will share three other passages of scripture that have spoken to me as well, which I hope will encourage you too.
This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth, but thou shalt meditate therein day and night that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein. For then thou shalt make thy way prosperous and then thou shalt have good success. Joshua 1:8
That verse is very deep and it cannot be understood truly without reading it at least a hundred times, memorizing and repeating it to yourself at least 500 times and meditating on it for a month. That’s what I had to do and it spoke to me, and continues to speak to me, more and more each day.
Next is a simple one… Col. 3:23 Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as unto the Lord and not unto men.
And finally… Psalm 31. It’s a great promise and a very uplifting chapter.
Praise God for your work on The Love Dare, Ed… and remember, just because it says ‘Day 17′ in the book, doesn’t mean we should only spend one day on it. Personally I take them as being figurative days in my journey through the Love Dare and have taken more than a week on some of them.
In Christ,
MyAll4Him
by: myall4him
Ed,
No offense, but it sounds as though maybe you and Stacey have grown apart and are in bondage to the love of your kids as well as a few other minor things. I would encourage you (not you and Stacey, but YOU) to put your spouse on a pedestal and love her as Christ loves US. She is a gift from the Lord… meant specifically for you, pray for the Lord to channel His love through you to rain down on your wife and to fill your heart with a truly radiant love for her.
I would also encourage you to google ‘Family Life’ and ‘A Weekend to Remember’ and visit with your wife about possibly attending one of the weekend conferences. I had doubts about the conference myself and thought it was going to be a waste of time, but it really spoke to both me and my beloved wife. It was truly a miracle for us, though in hind-sight I know it was always in my grasp, if I would have just DONE these things before.
I’m lifting you and your family in prayer right now. Specifically for you to follow after the Lord and to know his path for you and for you to LOVE as He would have you love, with an unexpectant love, wanting absolutely NOTHING in return.
In Christ,
MyAll4Him
by: myall4him
Ed,
I too have read The Five Love Languages and thought it was absolutely brilliant. I had never seen a lot of the things going on as acts of love, but now I do and it’s made a world of difference. My wife was never a ’self-help’ book kind of person, thinking they were a waste of time, so I just took the survey in the book and started asking her the questions via email and on the phone. In the end I had an excellent idea of what her love language was and began giving that particular language more care.
My love language is ‘Words of Affirmation’, followed closely by ‘Physical Touch’… hers, oddly enough is ‘Physical Touch’ with nothing even remotely close for a second place. It’s funny though, as her idea of physical touch and my idea of physical touch are much different. I am learning though, even after 24 years of marriage. Old dogs CAN learn new tricks. HA!
Praying for you and yours…
In Christ,
MyAll4Him